Last Thursday I was at a Toastmaster (PWT) meeting, and a young woman answered a Table Topic (extemporaneous speaking, 2-3 minutes) speaking about her fortunate life and yet a persisting Empty Space inside of her.
This comment and the recognition of the concept by the other women has been rattling around my head ever since. How do I respond to this? Email the one woman, Prepare a speech, write at my IMperfectSpouse Site. No, no, no. I will write in MyMtEverest blog. Haven’t done so in a while, and it seems like the right place. I want to deal with this now.
I think that having emptiness inside of you is not something that you just observe. It’s important that you do something about it.
That feeling could be a signal that your values and visions are evolving and need some maintenance work. That feeling, if it’s new for you, is like the beeping of the smoke detector letting you know that it’s time to change the battery and it’s time to change something in your life.
Those that heed the beeping smoke detector are the take-action people. They take responsibility for their own well-being.
There a 2 approaches to life that I often observe in people.
1. Many people view events in their world as done to us; therefore, we have no responsibility. It is true that some things are done to us. I’m 5’2”; done to me. Earthquake is done to us.
However, even when it’s a physical ailment that’s done to us, it’s our responsibility to participate in our own healing—take the medicine as prescribed, do the appropriate exercises on a regular basis, etc.
So if the hole in your soul is an ailment, then what part will you play in it’s healing? Just asking the question of yourself is healing.
Healing doesn’t need to be a matter of dramatic changes like a year in the Peace Corp, though that may be the right prescription for some.
It may not even be necessary to quit your high paying job to feel fulfilled. Maybe you only need to stop taking your job for granted, keeping it in a vacuum. Rather you might see that the advertising agency where you are working as moving commerce along and improving the economy. Seeing your job in the bigger context and the energy you put into doing your job in the bigger context, that larger mission may completely redefine how you feel about what you are doing. Think of Richard Scarry’s childrens books; everyone is doing an important job that keeps the wheels of civilization going.
Some say ‘Find your passion and the money/happiness will follow’. But Passion isn’t a Hide and Seek game; it’s a tool of living. Whatever you are doing—teaching kids or sweeping the floor, do it with passion. Passion and fulfillment doesn’t necessarily come from WHAT you do it comes from HOW you do it.
For sure don’t look for someone else to fill a vacuum inside you. Only YOU can do that. Maybe that’s scary, but it’s also comforting. No event, no person can take charge of your core place no matter what.
Value your contribution
2. Which leads to the other way of looking at our lives that causes holes in our spirit. It’s not valuing ourselves and our own contribution. If we don’t honor ourselves, if we don’t see what we are offering the world every day that we live, we don’t feel the gratification of our own gift to the world. It’s not what you are doing. It’s how you feel about yourself doing it.
It’s easier to be smug, sophisticated and unfulfilled than it is to commit to a vision of your life and work it—-don’t judge it; work it.
The fulfillment that you seek is like the happiness that I talk about in my 3-step Transform your Relationship Experience course. It’s not out there in distance or in time. It’s right here close to you, within your own reach now. Claim it. It’s yours. It’s inside your body. Feel it fill your entire insides and relax and smile. You are full. You are filled. Thank you for being in my life and sharing your light with me.
It’s taken way longer for me to figure all this out than I would like it to have taken. I think it was because no one told me, but maybe it was because I never heard. What about you? Let me know what you think.
And might as well remind you while you are here, that I will be at Amazing Womans Day on January 30. I feel that at least a couple of you would enjoy and benefit from this Day of encouragement and camaraderie with other active women. I am a Feminine Leader at the event and will lead a break-out session. Check out my website http://IMperfectSpouse.com
and click the Amazing Womans Button on the Top Right. If you’re interested I have one ticket at discount. Ask me about it.
While your there check for the free gift. (Come back if it’s not up yet.) And some of you will want to sign up for my next “The 3-step Transform your Relationship Experience” course. Do it. It starts February 1. Click the 3-step telecourse Button on Top Right and then on the next page, click the ‘Add to Cart’.
Merle Singer here.
I have exciting news for you. I’ve been busy. I’ve figured out what I want to do when I grow up. I’ve finally found my passion. I now know what my contribution to the world is.
There’s something that I know, that I have a unique perspective on that can make a positive difference in the lives and relationships of others.
I’ve been married to the same man – Nathan – for 42 years and we are the happiest we’ve ever been. Unbelievable, isn’t it?! I mean, I’m barely past 42 years in age. Yes, it’s true. I was a child bride.
I know that Nathan and I aren’t the only people that have been happily married for a long time, but I’ve paid attention to what specific things I did to bring back my marriage from shaky grounds, and I’ve turned what I learned into a system. And the wonderful thing about a system is that it works – as long as you work the system correctly.
It works like driving a car works: As long as you put your key in the ignition and put it in gear, etc, the car will work. This system that I’ve developed is the same. Just follow the 3 simple steps, and you WILL “Transform your Relationship Experience.” It’s very exciting.
I’m going to begin teaching the “Transform Your Relationship Experience” as a 3-Step, 21-Day TeleCourse beginning on Monday, November 30, 2009. And now is a GREAT time to take part, because I’m going to be giving Students in this “Beta” class a lot of personal attention.
Learn more about this life-changing course and register at:
Since this course is a TeleCourse, you don’t even have to leave your home to attend. You can listen live via your telephone or on your favorite Web browser, and you’ll want to register even if you can’t attend all of the classes “live,” because as a Student you’ll have access to all of the recordings after the call ends.
Here’s the schedule of the live classes:
Mon. Nov. 30
Tues. Dec. 1
Weds. Dec. 2
Mon. Dec. 7
Monday Dec. 14
Mon. Dec 21
All the classes begin promptly at 5:00 PM Pacific / 8:00 PM Eastern and last 90 minutes.
Because this is the inaugural “test run” for the course, I’m offering it at the very lowest price it will ever be offered. I’m looking for women that will appreciate this opportunity and who will work this easy-to-implement system in their life. For people who do the work, I guarantee positive changes in their life.
Who do you know that would benefit from this class? Who do you know that would benefit from this class? That’s a serious question. Think, please. If it’s you, then simply click the link below to learn more and register. And if it’s someone else, please forward this to them or send me their information via e-mail.
I don’t want finances to be the reason for not attending this inaugural course, so I’m offering some discounts and some scholarships to anyone who needs them. All you (or anyone you refer) needs to do is ask.
You’re my original My Mt Everest Folks. I have a special feeling for you since this is where I started this part of my journey.
Please spread the word for me and join the class if it’s relevant to you.
I look forward to having you and/or your friends as Students, and to being part of the magic that will happen to people by being in this Course.
Chief Instructor, the 3-Step 21-Day “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course
Follow me on Twitter: http://Twitter.com/imperfectspouse\
P.S. Here’s where to learn more and register for the Course, one final time:
“The difficulty lies, not in the new ideas, but in escaping from the old ones…”
~John Maynard Keynes
I love this comment to my May E-Letter (especially the end):
I thought I was the only one holding back my light because I wouldn’t be liked if I let it shine. Come to realize you experience that, too, so how many other women do? How many go through life being mediocre because we learned that is the way to play the game? I think we learned a faulty lesson, illogical, torturing, and completely malnourishing to ourselves and to others.
I love how you question yourself as to why you aren’t the CEO to G.E., etc. You must have taken a recording of one of my inner-voices. "Shouldn’t I be a famous artist by now? I am already 34. Is it too late to win a gold in the Olympics for gymnastics? How about that novel I will win the Pulitzer with that will touch the hearts of millions?" Something that I remind myself is not that I am young and have plenty of time. I remind myself that, as somebody who idolizes nature, I am a part of nature, and thus, to use your word, magnificent, regardless of what I have done, am doing, or will do. Simply to be a part of the miracle that is this universe makes me, and you, divine. I do truly believe this, but realize it is buried under an immense amount of crap, so sometimes I overlook it.
I just saw a play by a friend, Nick Salamone. It’s called Hillary Agonistes. I recommend that you go see it. It’s at the Studio/Stage, at 520 N Western Ave, Los Angeles, CA. Tickets are only $20 and it’s here till June 1, 2008. Sorry for the late notice. I was so impressed with it thoughtfulness and great acting; a lot of it by Nick.
It is per review, "part Greek tragedy, part blackest comedy, Hillary Agonistes tells the cautionary tale of Hillary Clinton, newly elected President of the United States. One bright spring day 65 million people disappear – First Husband Bill among them. Is it the rapture? Pat Robertson, Stephen Hawking, a Papal emissary, the Antichrist and a Muslim convert named Chelsea offer their opinions as Hillary agonizes and attempts to avert Armageddon."
If you see it, Let me know your thoughts. I’ll pass them along.
I finally got back to writing my monthly My Mt Everest E-Letter. What’s really been nice is the reader response. I’m going to included some comments from emails.
The first one was
"Excusssse me, allow me to speak for those of us that use you as our role model, mentor, guide to life, we are a bigger accomplishment than GE, CEO, president. We think so.
Your opinions not only matter, but influence."
Hmmmm. I expect that just about all of us are role models for someone or someones, whether we realize it or not. Perhaps, it’s a good thing to think about so tha it can inform our actions and words.
What a day I’ve just had. I spent the morning and afternoon at the Skirball Museum attending the Amazing Woman’s Day put on by an Amazing Woman, of course, Marsh Engle. It was a magical day with about 200 women supporting each other as women, not men wannabees. Inspiring.
Already a lovely day, and yet there’s more. My husband took me out on a date. We went to eat at Charcoal and then went to the ArcLight to see “Michael Clayton”. What a movie, not my usual comedic preference, but well worth the price of admission. It was another version ofErin Brockovich—only this time the woman was the badie, not the goodie.
When women try to fit into the man’s mold, they don’t fit. This woman, Karen Crowder, was a head of a company and ordered people killed to save —- what????? Money? A career? A company? Nothing worth a life – or really more than one life, but just go see the movie, and you’ll understand..
The character, Karen Crowder, did it alone with no one as her counsel –corrupt, totally corrupt. Without someone as your sounding board, without saying your thoughts and plans outloud, you miss possibly the most important element to your ideas, objectivity. Keeping thoughts solely to yourself is like keeping them locked in a closet. When you share and speak them outloud, it’s like bringing them into the bright, clear, no nonsense, daylight.
It made me so sad. But then I remembered 200 Amazing Women.